If Christina and Dante Gabriel Rossetti rang a helpline…


Sam: Samaritans… can I help you.
Christina: I’ve got a secret.
Sam: Mmmhmm?
Christina: Do you want to know what it is?
Sam: Only if you want to tell me.
Christina: You’re too curious.
Sam: My name’s Jo – can you tell me your name?
Christina: It’s Christina. And I’ve got a secret.
Sam: OK. I’m here to listen, if you want to tell me.
Christina: ….
Sam: Take your time.
Christina: My heart is like a singing bird, but my life is like a frozen thing.
Sam: That sounds difficult to deal with – how does it make you feel?
Christina: Why are you asking me these questions?
Sam: It’s absolutely fine if you don’t want to tell me. There’s no judgement.
Christina: There is only one Judge. I will meet Him one day and all deep secrets shall be shown.
Sam: Uhuh. Can you tell me any more?
Christina: Perhaps some languid summer’s day.
Sam: OK.
Christina: It’s been very pleasant talking to you.
Sam: And you too, Christina. Please call back if you feel you need to.
Christina (a bit huffy): Why would I need to? I don’t need to. Nothing wrong with me.
Sam: I only meant…
Phone goes down. Sam sighs.

Dante Gabriel
Sam: Samaritans… can I help you?
Gabriel: I’ve just seen Lizzie… oh my god… how can that be?
Sam: Can you tell me who Lizzie is?
Gabriel: My wife, but she’s dead… I destroyed her, and because of me she’s dead.
Sam: OK… take your time. Can you tell me any more?
Gabriel: She was my muse. Well, my first muse. Well, my main muse. Apart from Fanny. And Jane. And the other ones… um…sorry, can’t remember half their names.
Sam: OK. My name’s Jo, can you tell me your name?
Gabriel (getting a bit flirty): Do you have red hair? I could paint you.
Sam: Are you a painter?
Gabriel: (getting a bit arsey): Yes. Rossetti. Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood, hello?
Sam: Sorry, Rossetti… is that your name?
Gabriel: Dante. Gabriel. Rossetti.
Sam: Which do you prefer to be called?
Gabriel: Depends who’s asking. You can call me Gabriel.
Sam: OK… Gabriel. Can you tell me any more about Lizzie? You say you just saw her.
Gabriel: Did I? She’s dead, you know. That would be ridiculous. Oh my god… am I going insane?
Sam: It’s OK Gabriel, I’m here, take your time.
Gabriel: You sound cute. Can I have your number?
Sam: I’m afraid that’s not possible.
Gabriel (pouting): You’re no fun. I’m going to visit Jane instead. Or was it Fanny?